Apparently there needs to be info about how to do this on the www.
Rule #1 - Wait until you at least have a heartbeat on an ultrasound - preferably you should be 8-12 weeks along before you tell ANYONE. If not, then you really are just asking for trouble...unless you are certain beyond 100% the family you do tell can keep their mouths shut (not likely).
Rule #2 - Do not announce your pregnancy before the G.D. stick has dried via a networking site that may include Infertiles as your "friend". Not cool.
Rule #3 - Do not hide the pregnancy from your Infertile friend. We will find out and its best to come from you, in an EMAIL - after work hours, so we can cry at home alone. Seriously, this is the only safe way.... and preferably BEFORE the child is born.
Rule #4 - Yup, we're happy for you. But very sad for ourselves. Give us time. If we ask you about the pregnancy then fill us in, don't ignore us. Also, don't force baby details on us unless we've asked. And for God's sake do NOT complain about it, at all....ever!
Rule #5 - Don't expect us to attend the baby shower. Good days and Bad days are very unpredictable, just accept it as our own self-preservation. Do you really want me there causing a scene with tears ? Probably not.
Rule #6 - If you know your infertile buddy has just had a failed cycle, give it a few weeks for the hormones to calm down (Even if you are 12 weeks and have seen a heartbeat). It's a loss that takes some time to deal with.
Rule #7 - Don't suggest adoption. Of course we've thought about it OR we are not ready to think about it, either way we know it exists. Its generally a lot more expensive than you think and is just as hard. Unless you have a free baby to give, then its not worth mentioning. We've heard ALL the miracle stories of people getting pregnant after adoption and it still doesn't make us feel better.
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there are more to add. I know infertiles are hard to understand... its ok, most people are hard to understand. :)
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Just me flapping about stuff so that I don't have to pay for a therapist.
About Me
- Hannah
- Born in NC and lucky enough to find my perfect husband in England where we lived together for 5 years. Moved back to NC in Jan 05 and we're enjoying our new house, which is perfect for lots of animals and a couple kids.
4 comments:
Just checked your blog to see how its progressed and all I can say for the last post is........... YOU GO GIRL!!
Hi Hannah,
I came across your blog by chance. I am new to IVF and going through IVF #1. Anyways, I tagged you. See my blog for details.
--Debbie
I couldn't agree with you more! This should be broadcasted loud and wide for all those out there that are clueless about us.
I found your blog from Debbie's tag.
I'm sorry that your recent IVF didn't work. :-(
We need to print this on T-shirts. Another one to add is NEVER tell us "Maybe you're not supposed to have children" or "Maybe it's not meant to be". Yep...people are that stupid.
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