Procrastinating.... and a therapy session

I'm avoiding work so I thought I'd blog instead.

I haven't gone through our beach pictures yet, I'll do that sometime and put a few on Flickr. All is well, just going thru the daily grind.

No news on the baby front yet. Blood work suggests more waiting - really!? I'd never have guessed that. I'm not even sure I would tell anyone once we do start, I learned my lesson the first round... simply because certain questions & having to explain every single aspect of the process can really wear ya down (after telling 3 different people in a day). Some people just don't know when to stop with the questions! Family isn't included in this group, ya'll are different.

Also is the potential of having to say 'No, it didn't work again' blah blah, we'll try again, blah blah, when all I really wanted to do last time was hide from the world and cry. Yes, everyone is so disappointed and upset for me, which I appreciate - really I do. But no-one grieves every goddamn time I start my period except for me....which of course just can't be grieving, it also has to include debilitating cramps, extreme amounts of pain from the endo and a large dose of painkillers (cos I'm just that lucky).

As I write, the lady from work who announced her pregnancy as our cycle failed stands in my office door rubbing her growing belly...twisting the knife. Yes I know, I've grown rather bitter recently - please forgive me.

The other day I thought just how much crap we've dealt with over 3 years trying to have a baby...

1 year being very naive & hopeful - long cycles & pain, 3 cycles of Clomid, 1 HSG whilst awake, Sperm analysis, 2 Surgeries -partial removal & dissection of ovaries & another HSG, 3 months of Menopause, a trial transfer, injection classes, $25K so far this year, an IVF cycle, multiple cysts grown, and more blood work & ultrasounds than I can count. I'm kinda worn out, yet I still have some hope in me.

OK, time is up for today's session.